Letter From A Father Continued
My dear child, I have placed you in a hard school for I am endeavouring to give you an outright gift of your own being, and the intelligent and loving understanding to go with it. If I give you the power of intelligence, without the love and wisdom to go with it, the result you know can be horrible, and can only bring misery upon you, so it is my duty to allow you to experience all the forms of pain in order to save you from the extreme mistakes which would lead to the breakdown of your nature and exclude you from that eternal reality to which I would lead you. So, while I have tried to make light of your shortcomings in my sight, and while I have tried to make you feel why I forgive you all your mistakes, and why you should forgive yourself your mistakes, there must be a recognition in you of the factors involved, and that is why, at this time, that I am trying to show you more of myself and more of what it is that I am educating you towards. For if you begin to understand these biggest factors in creation then you will find it easier to orientate yourselves around them and find that you can avoid many of the problems and pains that at present seem to be unavoidable.
If I can make the vision and motive of 'my sun' clearer to you, then, when you turn to it, it will supply you with strength and understanding which, added to your faith, will uphold you more firmly in times and conditions of adversity. The sun is held for you within the innermost heart of my nature, and it was from this heart that my aspiration was personified for you in the nature and being of my eldest child who loves you as I do. For, in personifying him, I have clarified my aspirations to myself, and at the same time created a living guide, helper and friend for your benefit, to ease the difficulties of your growth and comfort you by his presence, but you say to me, please comfort me and ease my pain all the time, and I say to you that many of those pains you must bear yourself until you realise that you are the cause of them. You see, it is nearly true that, if I would really punish you, I would give you what you ask for in your prayers to me.
I am sorry to have to place this predicament so squarely before you. However, you can take comfort from the fact that I would not be writing to you in this way if I did not consider that a great many of you were ready to move on with me to this higher and more complete form of understanding. The uncompromising nature of my position towards you would be a terrible thing if I were not able to make you understand the affectionate regard for your own being which I hold as my most sacred trust. I bind up your wounds with tears in my eyes, and these tears are neither of joy nor sorrow but of some unfathomable mixture which stems from my innermost love to give, and to share, and to participate in experience with friends.
Slowly and gently, I must allow my gift to dawn upon you, for too much at once would shock and frighten you. You need time to constantly adjust towards it if you are to retain your identity in the process. If you should lose or give up your own individual identity then I have lost the essential part of my gift, which is to have someone to give it to. You will have lost not only the understanding of the completeness of my endeavour, but you will also have given up that separateness of identity from which you could have loved and enjoyed my friendship.
To some, my words will seem like heresy, but I do not want merely to love myself through you as mirrors. If you are afraid to be yourself for my sake, with all your faults, then you have taken yourself out of the very soil in which I could have nourished you. Remember that it is the identity of your own children that you love, and, when you bid them to be unselfish, you do not intend them to either give up or devalue their identity.
You do not wish to have perfect children any more than I do; we both want to have real children, so if I give you the gift of being a real individual it would be an unworthy thing if I were to take it back from you again. On the other hand, like all gifts, I cannot force you to take it.
So there are some of my problems: I can hold out my loving aspiration for you, but I cannot force the matter to a conclusion for that would be to destroy the nature of the gift. What I can do is to continually meet you halfway, and draw you carefully into a fuller understanding of my purpose, and, in so doing, put you closer to a position where you can say to me, 'Yes, I understand what it is that you are trying to give me, and why it is such a difficult thing to do, and I am amazed and overwhelmed at the degree of care you have for me, and the gift you would enable me to take up.'
But we have a long way to go, for some of you consider that the universe is but a mirror for me to view and adore myself in. If that were the case, can there be any merit in such an objective? A human being who did such a thing would be considered to be vain and foolish. How much more should I deserve these terms? Some say that I am like a man who wakes up in bed, goes over to a mirror, stares at his beauty for a time, and then gets back into bed and goes to sleep, to wake again another day in order to repeat the same action. That action is not worthy of any of us.
It is true to say that I love those qualities that I hold most dear in my nature, knowledge and experience, but is it more likely that I should play a game with myself in manifesting myself as many people if I could bring to birth real individuals to share my treasures with? Those who think so do not believe that I am the 'worthy one' they say I am. They secretly believe I am a pretender and a taker-back of gifts and insincere in my play, so I am sad when such half-love is imputed to me; I am sad when my gift is feared and thrown back in my face, but, while my gift demands much of me, I know it also demands much of you.
Because I know what I have put into you, I know that I am not expecting too much of you. However, I realise that I may reach a point in our development and relationship with one another where you are not able to take up more than a part of my gift, so I have allowed for you to come back into my house and be with me until I can arrange some other classrooms in some other playground where I can again send you to school and show the subtlety of the situation to you in some way that will enable you to be glad of it with your whole heart.
Such time as this would seem a long time to you, but remember that time to me is a very different thing. To me it is the correct intensity of expression of the things that I wish to talk to you about and to show you. It is exactly a measure of the proper growing pressure that I consider appropriate in any situation to make the best use of that situation. Too much intensity and hurry would burn your nature, and too little would leave you fast asleep and untouched.
Another question you would like to ask me is why I should need so many children around about me in this scheme of mine. Why would not twenty or fifty be enough? To begin with you do not yet know the depth of my nature. You do not yet know just how much I have to give. If what I had to give were just a simple thing it would not require an elaborate situation to give it in, but what I have to give is most elaborate, and so, to create the necessary width of understanding, I need to find expression for all my qualities, and lay them all out for you to see. As many of these qualities have to be lived, so I need many different children to live amongst one another.
My plan was vast in your sight because my being is vast also, but do not let that be a cause to think that any of you do not matter to me; you matter to me all as individual children and also as players in my play. If you do not play your part, who is to do it for you? No one can, and it thus leaves a gap in my book. As my book is a long one it needs many words and you are both my children and my words to one another. You are all players in my orchestra, and I cannot make the sounds I had hoped for if any of you are unable to play the individual parts that make up the whole piece of music. My orchestra is not like yours. In my orchestra no two parts are the same but they are all needed to make up the true beauty of the sound I have visioned.
When you take notice of the complexity of the atomic and sub-atomic world I have made, you will more easily appreciate that the content of my book may well need you all to say fully and completely my message, while at the same time be able to contain you with the same measure of my attention between its covers. I need a large family because I need to express a large number of characters, so do not think only of rushing to my heaven, for it is not necessarily in heaven that you will be able to learn the part you have to play.
Remember that where character is concerned it is the hardest experiences that stamp the deepest patterns, and, when you think of my music, try to remember that it is a continuous creation and not a single piece that is to be repeated. I have no desire to repeat my music, rather do I spin it newly all the while, so what you add to it now, and at any other time, is continually affecting the performance.
You and I are making this music now, and each of your sounds is valuable to the effect, and I am the one who all the time gathers them in and weaves them together into a whole of constantly changing music. Thus I even make use of the discordant sounds since they all express in some way the reality of the complete situation. Not that I would have you think that I sit back and coldly conduct this music, or feel any pleasure from discordant notes. I am doing many things at the same time in ways that you would not yet understand, and each discordant note pulls at my heart and my sympathy.
My music is not made to entertain, it is the expression of our endeavour, and effort, and suffering, woven together with the beauty of the beginning and the end. It is the sound of the whole book as it is being read by you all. It is this very music that I use to order and adapt my school to the needs that I sense in it. It reports to my sensitive ear the exact condition of my whole work and my nature responds to its beauty and its needs.
So you begin to realise that I am both he who stands apart from my whole work to view it objectively, and also he who can be within you, or at your very elbow as another physical person. There is no position that I cannot take up in my work if it so pleases me. Those of my children who were born into heaven, and who later came to work with me in this outermost earthly condition, in order to bring you, their other brothers and sisters, to life, have acquired much of the experience of this testing condition, which they have added to their experience of heaven, and the blending of the two has given them much wisdom and understanding. These are therefore working among you already as my mature friends and companions, although they may well not care to make their activities known in any obvious way. These are neither angels nor men of earth ,but they are the staff of my educational faculty.
You yourselves will have to decide if anyone you meet as a teacher is teaching my book properly or not. You will have to find one who teaches in a way that suits your particular temperament, but they are all helping to lead you from class to class of understanding and experience, even if, at times, they cause you to feel they must be at cross purposes. But to those who teach my heart of hearts the misunderstandings can be seen as a necessary preparation in the need to use your discerning powers and widen the basis of your valuations.
I would like you now to be able to view the world in the perspective that I have given you so that you can feel that no great calamity has occurred, and that I have not made some serious error. I would like you to be able to understand that what you refer to as 'the fall' was indeed a falling away from the conditions of heaven, but not a falling away by accident.
You will now be able to realise that heaven is still about you, but that you have arrived in a condition of greater differentiation and testing than heaven could ever have. This very differentiation and opposition is absolutely necessary to the longing I have for you to develop strong and different characters within the context of loving kindness. So it was necessary that you should know hate and cruelty if you were ever to know the real meaning of love and kindness and the significance of your own ability to view all things objectively as I can. So I had to stand by, and let you make mistakes, and let you think you knew best about everything just as you do with your own children.
Life was not meant to be comfortable for those to whom 1 would give my gift of individuality. How could it be? You now understand that I could have taken many other easier ways out in your education, but I chose the hardest one for your sake because it was the only thorough one.
I know that when you understand all this you will forgive me for being so stern towards you when I could have relented, and you will understand that this very unrelenting attitude was founded on the absolute rock of my integrity which is as valuable as my affections both to myself and to you. What would my loving affection have been worth if it were lacking in this unmoveable strength and integrity? It would one day appear as a terrible disappointment, and all the more terrible because of its seeming beauty which was unfounded.
Your loving father.